It is incredible how many people lose themselves in the process of trying to please others. It is okay to make people happy, but when you start to second guess how others are feeling, or take their feelings on as though they are your own, it becomes a problem. A large part of worrying about what others think stems from fear of getting into trouble or upsetting others.
Unfortunately a by-product of being a nice person can result in becoming a people-pleaser. This sounds nice on one level, but it can cause a great deal of stress when it comes at the sacrifice of your needs and desires. Further, when you push your desires away in order to please people resentment and guilt are often not far behind.
WORRYING TOO MUCH IN THE PLACE OF WORK AS AN EMPLOYEE
Many employees spend countless hours per day worrying about whether or not the boss likes them and even whether or not they will be fired. This fear is partly driven by an ever changing economy and regular news of company closures and downsizing. However, the major driver of this fear is internal insecurity as a result of personalizing work.
One of the most common human fears is failure and at work failure can be grounds for dismissal. Whilst this fear can be valid, it is a fear that is usually irrational as most people are working at a high standard consistent with their high work ethic. The nature of working for someone else leaves one exposed to external circumstances, so it’s important to recognize that all you can do is try your best at work and ensure you treat it like a business, rather than your friend.
Company downsizing and cutting staff is a perfect example of where Senior Management have to draw the line between work and emotions. The people in charge of firing large quantities of staff must separate the work from emotion in order to think strategically about which staff should be let go. Whilst being friends with your boss may protect you for a while, when it comes to major decisions like these, companies look at productivity and cost savings. So, once again all you can do from a professional standpoint is think regularly about how your contribution at work impacts on the business and don’t allow yourself to be dragged down by negative personalities in the workplace.
As an employee you must think of work as a business and your performance as part of this business. Your personal life is completely separate. The friendships you develop at work have nothing to do with your work (except with respect to forming networks to assist with daily tasks and potential future jobs). They mainly make your day to day life more pleasant and really form part of your personal life – not your professional life.
DEALING WITH HAVING A PEOPLE-PLEASING HABIT
In order to change automatic reactions and habits it’s important to consciously recognize the relationships that tend to bring on people-pleasing behavior and then to approach every new interaction with the resolve to be true to yourself and not simply agree with others, so as not to offend them. For instance, if you are a parent and you have a belief about how children should be put to sleep (which is in complete opposition to a friend’s) it would be much healthier for you to acknowledge your friend’s belief and still raise your personal views. What most people do is say nothing (or agree) with opposing beliefs and then end up feeling angry and offended, rather than addressing the issue first hand. In doing so, the peace may have been kept – but at what cost to your soul and self-esteem?
Most of us have an innate desire to be liked, so we often go out of our way to make others happy and to keep the peace. However, this does not have to come at the cost of yourself – in other words – you don’t have to lose yourself in relationships in order to be happy. By relaxing with who you are and accepting that your true friends will like you for who you really are – not the mirror image on themselves you will feel much more comfortable and less exhausted as a result of being the real you, rather than the people pleaser you are.
So, enjoy your relationships at work and start each day with a mind-set of success, achievement and contribution to the greater good of your company’s needs. After all, negative people eventually move on and all the work you do will hold you in great stead for new and exciting professional positions in the future. No one is built to worry naturally, but with a few experiences insecurity sets in and a worrying habit is developed. As a means of getting out of the pit of worrying sign up with our habit tracker http://mehditoozhy.com/focus-success-l/. The habit tracker will help you develop better habits that will help you become more productive in the future.