It is incredible how many people lose themselves in the process of trying to please others. It is okay to make people happy, but when you start to second guess how others are feeling, or take their feelings on as though they are your own, it becomes a problem. A large part of worrying about what others think stems from fear of getting into trouble or upsetting others.
Unfortunately a by-product of being a nice person can result in becoming a people-pleaser. This sounds nice on one level, but it can cause a great deal of stress when it comes at the sacrifice of your needs and desires. Further, when you push your desires away in order to please people resentment and guilt are often not far behind.
WORRYING TOO MUCH IN THE PLACE OF WORK AS AN EMPLOYEE
Many employees spend countless hours per day worrying about whether or not the boss likes them and even whether or not they will be fired. This fear is partly driven by an ever changing economy and regular news of company closures and downsizing. However, the major driver of this fear is internal insecurity as a result of personalizing work.
One of the most common human fears is failure and at work failure can be grounds for dismissal. Whilst this fear can be valid, it is a fear that is usually irrational as most people are working at a high standard consistent with their high work ethic. The nature of working for someone else leaves one exposed to external circumstances, so it’s important to recognize that all you can do is try your best at work and ensure you treat it like a business, rather than your friend.
Company downsizing and cutting staff is a perfect example of where Senior Management have to draw the line between work and emotions. The people in charge of firing large quantities of staff must separate the work from emotion in order to think strategically about which staff should be let go. Whilst being friends with your boss may protect you for a while, when it comes to major decisions like these, companies look at productivity and cost savings. So, once again all you can do from a professional standpoint is think regularly about how your contribution at work impacts on the business and don’t allow yourself to be dragged down by negative personalities in the workplace.
As an employee you must think of work as a business and your performance as part of this business. Your personal life is completely separate. The friendships you develop at work have nothing to do with your work (except with respect to forming networks to assist with daily tasks and potential future jobs). They mainly make your day to day life more pleasant and really form part of your personal life – not your professional life.
DEALING WITH HAVING A PEOPLE-PLEASING HABIT
In order to change automatic reactions and habits it’s important to consciously recognize the relationships that tend to bring on people-pleasing behavior and then to approach every new interaction with the resolve to be true to yourself and not simply agree with others, so as not to offend them. For instance, if you are a parent and you have a belief about how children should be put to sleep (which is in complete opposition to a friend’s) it would be much healthier for you to acknowledge your friend’s belief and still raise your personal views. What most people do is say nothing (or agree) with opposing beliefs and then end up feeling angry and offended, rather than addressing the issue first hand. In doing so, the peace may have been kept – but at what cost to your soul and self-esteem?
Most of us have an innate desire to be liked, so we often go out of our way to make others happy and to keep the peace. However, this does not have to come at the cost of yourself – in other words – you don’t have to lose yourself in relationships in order to be happy. By relaxing with who you are and accepting that your true friends will like you for who you really are – not the mirror image on themselves you will feel much more comfortable and less exhausted as a result of being the real you, rather than the people pleaser you are.
So, enjoy your relationships at work and start each day with a mind-set of success, achievement and contribution to the greater good of your company’s needs. After all, negative people eventually move on and all the work you do will hold you in great stead for new and exciting professional positions in the future. No one is built to worry naturally, but with a few experiences insecurity sets in and a worrying habit is developed. As a means of getting out of the pit of worrying sign up with our habit tracker http://mehditoozhy.com/focus-success-l/. The habit tracker will help you develop better habits that will help you become more productive in the future.
“Determination and hard work almost always trumps talent.” The saying is almost there is to know about the power of deep desire. Success can be very elusive and in most cases having the mere skill to bring it home will not cut it. Determination and hard work on the other hand are very important requirements in achieving success. Wanting success goes deeper than fancy; the deep desire to succeed is driven from enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is the trait that makes you endure, persevere and be persistent in chasing your success. It acts on you like alcohol; this deep desire blinds you to the loud negative cries that try to pull you down and always sets you on the path to achieving your success.
In chasing success, if you are driven by such deep desires the success that eludes you will be a matter of ‘when’ rather than ‘if’. Breaking this down to the everyday life, we all want that fat pay check, the big house, and even the dream girl. Desire overwhelms people with an insatiable appetite to take action.
FOUR STEPS TO INCREASE YOUR DESIRE TO SUCCEED
KNOW YOUR GOAL INSIDE OUT: Follow the subject of your desire closely, read newsletters, magazines, follow experts within the field, be about your desires like you possessed them already. It helps to know every tiny detail there is to know about your goals; this increases your interest and consequently desire to get that success.
KEEP YOUR DREAMS IN SIGHT: When your dreams begin to seem bleak and distant remind yourself why you started the race. Recount the drive behind the dream, the rewards there are, the better life to come and mostly the happiness of achieving your heart desires. This will keep you taking bold steps towards achieving your goals with the mind-set that the end will be worth it.
LOOK FORWARD TO THE REWARDS: Keep in mind the sacrifices and pains it will take to achieve your goals, but it is the rewards that you stand to reap that will fuel your desire to succeed. Keeping your potential rewards at the back of your mind will have you working harder than you know you can.
WATCH THE PROS DO IT: Whatever your area of interest is chances are there are pros that have succeeded in that line of interest. You may not intend to do it the same way, but watching the pros that did it will set you right on the path to follow.
PUTTING YOUR DESIRES TO WORK: You need to put that goal, dream or desire to the front of your mind and start working on it now! It doesn’t matter who we are, millionaire, celebrity or just your average Joe/Jane living in an ordinary house. We all have obstacles and challenges in our everyday lives. It’s what we do with those challenges that either allow us to succeed or fail.
SUCCESS STORY TO CONSIDER
Think of it like this. When you were a child and you were learning how to ride a bike. You probably fell off a dozen times before you were actually able to make it down the street without mom holding on to the back. Yes you might have felt disappointed the first hundred times you tried and failed.
Your life is yours and it’s what you make of it. Only you can determine the outcome. While everyone will not become millionaires or become celebrities, having great success in life does not necessarily mean you must be rich in monetary terms. Being happy with your life and always striving for the best, trying your hardest to full fill your dreams is what makes your life rich.
You might have even given up for a little while. But more than likely at some point in time you got back on that bike. You tried again and you achieved your goal. What happened after you achieved the goal? It only got better. Eventually you were able to ride with one hand, then no hands. You kept on trying. You kept on improving. Just because you could not ride that bike at first, you didn’t throw it away and replace it with another bike. There was nothing wrong with that bike. It just took a little will power and a little work on your part to make it happen.
Having the desire to succeed is not easy to come by. It is a habit that you cultivate, nourish and care for overtime. Speaking of habits, you have the option to sign up with our free habit tracker via the link http://mehditoozhy.com/focus-success-l/.
If success was a meal it would be the most tasty, healthy and delicate meal with every positive nutrient to gain from it. Success comes in different levels and scales but it is arguably the most satisfying feeling there is when attained. Sadly, the road to attaining success is not always as satisfying as success; it takes time, criticism, loss on different levels, hard work and mostly endurance and perseverance to attain success, because it does not always come just on the first try.
In fact, failure so often occurs on the road to success that it is best to view failure as part of the means of attaining success. Failure is best defined as a temporary place of schooling, experience and learning when you don’t get what you aim for. In this place you will be molded and prepared to take several shots at attaining success, for every time you try and you don’t succeed it doesn’t spell failure it spells you are not ready enough. With perseverance and continued improvement you will eventually get success if you don’t then it only means you have more work to do and counting the number of individuals who have made it to success you’ll see very little or nobody made tangible success without being in the temporary zone of failure.
SUCCESS STORIES TO CONSIDER
The following list features individuals who are currently successful because they didn’t accept failure, they turned it around and now they are on this list:
OPRAH WINFREY: Currently she is one of the few billionaires in the world and she owns a really incredible TV channel. Oprah got fired from her first TV gig as an anchor, and here she is a billionaire from the TV business. Her quote about failure reads, “There is no such thing as failure. Failure is just life trying to move us in another direction.”
STEVEN SPIELBERG: Steven Spielberg is currently one of the most illustrious names in the movie industry. He is a talented producer and director, one of his works included directing the third part of the famous Indiana Jones film. As a young lad he couldn’t make it into the University of Southern California’s School of Cinematic Arts, but now he’s grossed about $9 billion from the movie industry, such irony.
ABRAHAM LINCOLN: It will be sot of impossible to make up a list of successful persons who encountered failure and leave Abraham Lincoln out. He faced failure on numerous counts, going to war as a captain and returning as a mere private and failing severely in numerous business attempts. He kept on going and when he found himself with political ambitions he rode those ambitions right to the top and eventually became President of the United States.
FOUR TRAITS YOU CAN BREED TO HELP YOU TURN AROUND FAILURE
PERSEVERANCE: This is your ability to keep pushing even when you have failed before, sometimes you might need to knock louder to have the door of success open up to you but with perseverance you need to go back, tweak your plan and come back to knock. If you are rejected repeat the process and knock louder every time you come back.
ENDURANCE: Sometimes your success is blocked by a few temporary factors like a corrupt boss, inadequate funding, loss of a loved one, and more. In situations like this you’ll probably be able to smell the success but you are feeling too disgusted to carry on. Breeding enough endurance will help you wait just that little bit more to take your victory.
INNOVATION: In this case you have the power to get out of your state of failure by being creative and improving on what you had to offer before. Here you have all the right and ability to facilitate your success so sit down (or sit up) and wow the judges and take your success.
A POSITIVE AND INDEPENDENT MENTALITY: It is really tedious even near impossible to attain success all by yourself, but to get over failures and move on quickly you need to be able to anticipate your success even when only you can see it.
Truth is if your ambitions, goals and dreams are really big chances are they are not going to come easy because big dreams are not custom made, you have to figure them out and ride the storm till you achieve success, and that is how successful people are made in the end.
Obviously success is attainable when you breed positive habits, you know what they are now check out our habit tracker http://mehditoozhy.com/focus-success-l/ to help you improve, reach goals faster, change habits, etc.
The most satisfying feeling in life is encountered by accomplishing the goals we set for ourselves each day, this way you can see and measure your progress, and be happy about it or not. It is a super positive move to chop your bug dreams and ambitions into small daily goals but how do you make sure you stay on track at the end of every day? The answer is accountability; this 14 alphabet word simply means the act of being responsible for one’s actions, an oversight definition of responsibility. In a bid to meet the goals you set out to achieve accountability can make all the difference; being engaged in some sort of accountability program where you have to make and receive daily reports and feedback respectively can keep you on your toes and on the track to achieving the bigger goal.
Accountability can come in various forms; if you have developed a much disciplined mentality you can be accountable to yourself. A lot of people engage in accountability keeping track of their daily progress on some smartphone applications, that works too but the most effective form of accountability is having an individual (preferably strict with no chills) to report your progress to, sort of like a coach or mentor. People don’t fail to reach their goals because they don’t have goals, everyone has goals but some people fail due to lack of motivation, irresponsibility, lack of enthusiasm, and a couple more that can be rectified by engaging in accountability.
QUICK WAYS TO GET INTO ACCOUNTABILITY
Using a mentor or coach: Having a to be accountable to a mentor or coach could be the end of your complacency; remember a mentor is a role model whom you admire and aspire to become, he is sort of your hero and having to be accountable to a mentor will push you to achieve your goals because you don’t want to disappoint your hero. A coach on the other hand will be one of similar experience and skill as the mentor but a little bit stricter. Having one or two of them will keep you at your accountable best.
Personal Accountability: This works for highly disciplined and motivated individuals mostly; keep a record of the goals you achieve as you gear towards your bigger goal. Create something like a log book for each day; it will be a lot of push in achieving your goals knowing you have to fill in something tangible for each day.
Keep purpose cliques: Just like in school where a couple of smart kids pair up to study and prepare for tests together the same method can be employed in achieving goals in life. For example, in cases of health you can find you a workout buddy, someone who isn’t so much of a friend. There is always a strange motivation to want to behave in front of strangers, now having to be accountable to one will certainly keep you on your toes. It is important to let your purpose partner ask about your progress and criticize you when necessary, and it is important that you are forthcoming with sincere answers.
BENEFITS OF BEING ACCOUNTABLE
- Improves your performance: Having to work with a coach or a mentor will afford you the luxury of having someone who lets you in on better means of going about your goals and when all the kinks have been smoothed out you will have a well-oiled system of going about achieving your goals.
- Hands stay on deck: As you strive to achieve your goals things are going to come up on the sides, sometimes even the temptation of taking a break and fooling yourself that you deserve it. However, having a serious accountability engagement might just be what you need to fight off these distractions and just about stay on track.
- Stay responsible: At first accountability will be tough on you, but just keep going and in no time you’ll find your new way of life has become a part of you, and even after achieving your goals you’ll fancy living in your new found tradition of efficiency.
- Measure your success: When you report to your accountability program maybe a checklist, or to a coach or mentor and you get a positive feedback, you can afford to move forward knowing just how much you have accomplished.
- Positive criticism: It is hard to put “positive” and “criticism” in a short sentence but with accountability you can; having to report to a mentor or coach can help you kill those voices in your head telling you “you can’t make it” and let your coach or mentor tell you how you can get better instead.
For accountability to be at its effective best you have to break your big goals down into smaller daily achievable goals, and as a head start to achieving these daily goals we present you with a means of starting your accountability campaign by signing up for our free habit tracker campaign via http://mehditoozhy.com/focus-success-l/. You can talk accountability all you want but in the end if you don’t want it bad enough success won’t come to you.
Without any doubt we now live in the most demanding times ever, the need for success, the necessity for survival, the race to wealth and fame, and even the struggle to the top and that is just to mention a few. While all those wants may seem very diverse they have something in common, stress. It is hard to set about achieving any of the desires without going through stress, and what’s worse is you will encounter stress irrespective of whether you achieve your goal or not.
Stress is not the big scare now, but looking at the possibility of a possible burnout due to stressing is where the scare is. Stress is more in the mentality than physical; it is a feeling which acts as a bound just between you and your appetite for satisfaction which will ultimately keep you from resting properly and appreciating how hard you tried to achieve a goal.
One way to reduce stress to the barest minimum in your everyday life will be to give up on all the big dreams and ambitions that plague your mind, but hey, who wants to be a nobody right? So scratch that and sit tight, your ambitions may be high as the clouds but you should fear the idea of failing than being stressed out. From here on you’ll be let in on how you can chase your ambitions without getting stressed out by employing daily goals.
Employing daily goals to alleviate stress
If you think about it, there are an awful lot of things and heights you really need most of them beyond your reach and that’s why they are called dreams, both in the workplace and wherever else. With so much to accomplish you would deal yourself in with stress and frustration if your big plan to achieve them all is to attack them at once. The expert advice you are getting a privilege to read is to employ daily goals, and here are five things to consider in the process:
- Look at the big picture and construct a plan to piece it together by breaking the picture into smaller pixels where every day you can contribute something substantially adequate to your big ambitions. When you don’t have daily goals what you have is a to-do-list, and a to-do-list will dump all the work you have to do right before your eyes and it might seem super motivating but eventually the weight of all that will come crashing down on you, and it will you stress you out then burn you out.
- Your daily goals memo will allow you choose a standard for the volume of work you have to do daily and set you on your way to getting it. If you have to draw up your list of daily goals yourself be sure not to include an unrealistic volume of work to do, as a matter of fact only add chores with a very realistic chance of achievement because you don’t want to drag a day’s work into another day.
- Once you have drawn up a list of daily goals for a certain day do not add more stuff to the list for any reason. If you happen to complete your daily goals in super-fast timing, great, take the rest of the day off and do something relaxing. Doing something relaxing after completing a task is the perfect combo for recuperation of any sort, and if you find yourself thinking “I don’t need this rest when there’s work to do” then think of the saying “you can’t achieve nothing from your burnout situation,” don’t ask who said that.
- Achieving your daily goal quest is best partnered with a little reminder; this lets you know beforehand to prepare to face another task or reminds you when you might be forgetting something. Just ensure to set an adequate reminder that spells out what the topic of the reminder is for.
- A very vital and important thing to remember when planning your daily goal is to keep your sights on the bigger picture, this way you can tweak your working pace, because in the end you don’t want to be stress free but not achieving anything.
A success story for motivation
Employing daily goals is a concept much appreciated by top successful people; an example is Jack Dorsey, CEO Square & Founder of Twitter. At the time when he had to run both companies he put in a strict 8 hours daily during the weekdays at both companies. That might sound very tedious but after 16 hours of work Jack could go anywhere he wanted to spend the remaining 8 hours.
As for you, you might only have a simple task ahead so maybe only 8 hours a day or less can spell a productive day and maybe jack will join in the recreation process after his 16 hour shift. Sign up with my habit tracker http://mehditoozhy.com/focus-success-l/ to help you on track with your new habits.
One of my personal heroes is Isaac Asimov, he was a great scientist and an author of more than 500 books. He said: “Self-education is the only education there is.”
So, let’s look at the problems of self-education.
Some people think they are not smart enough to learn by themselves or they have a fear of learning, others think they can not learn, that is expensive or simply they just think they can’t learn.
Today I will share with you a solution to problems that most people are struggling with, that’s lack of focus , attention and stress.
The majority of adults and kids struggle with lack of focus and attention and stress. So what are the problems here?
A long time ago, animals they had their class and human beings didn’t have tools, but with true creativity they were able to deliver up tools so they could defend themselves or go hunting.
The making of things like arrows or sharp sticks have helped mankind survive, so through creativity human beings have been able to progress. It is said, that human beings are creative animals.
Einstein said education is not about learning facts but about training the mind to think. What are the problems with education?
Modern education is not teaching students to be creative.
There is no training to be independent thinkers or to be imaginative or to be compassionate. Students need to feel others pain to help them with their needs.
Start thinking about what is our place in the unique. Help think about what they are doing on this planet.
We all have success in us. How do we achieve it?
- Get out in nature.
- Practice brainstorming.
- Have a pen and paper with you all times.
One needs to be willing to be creative and they need to exercise it. Einstein used his imagination to be successful. He imagined sitting in bus and travel at speed of light.
In order to harness your creativity:
- Sit in a quiet room.
- Turn off your cell phone.
- Picture yourself in a forest. Walk and listen. Touch plants.
Here are steps to cultivate compassion.
- Everyone morning and sit in three minutes of silence.
- Find common points with others.
- Imagine other people’s pain and suffering and see how to help them.
- Volunteer at a charity. Use time and creativity to help others.
- Think about what is my role in universe? It gives perspective on what you will be doing on Earth. It helps one think big!
The problems with ADHD include: lack of attention, low academic performance, not listening, not following instructions, no organizational skills, and procrastination. They also can’t relax and have to move all the time.
So how do parents help?
- Believe in your child.
- Self-educate them. Take care of their education. Academic performance is not the only sign of intelligence. Creative and imagination can help them be successful.
An example is Thomas Edison. He had ADHD and could not hear. When he was a child, school rejected him. His mom took charge and believed in him. She self-educated him and trained him to become a researcher. She exposed him to many subjects. She had a reward system in place. As a result, at age of 12 he was confident, a researcher, and open-minded because of exposure to a lot of information.
Another example is Theodore Roosevelt. He had signs of ADHD and ashtma. Has parents took charge and self-educated him. His parents believed in him and self-educated him.
So know that when a child is daydreaming they may have strong imaginations. Believe in them and creative a bond with them and they will be strong and confident.
Be sure to:
- Expose to a wide variety of subjects.
- Direct their energy toward their passions.
- Train them to be a researcher. Get them to earn the knowledge.
- Reward them for everything they do. Encourage the to achieve bigger steps.